You know those nights where you can’t fall asleep no matter how hard you try?
The past week I was with my cousin, and when we’re together sleep does not exist. We honestly just played Dishonored and Bioshock Infinite while watching some movies and eating lots of junk food. Heaven right?
I came back home last night and figured I’d try to sleep at normalish hours again.
I stayed up all night.
Usually, when I stay up all night it’s because I’m reading or watching some videos, shows, or movies. Last night it wasn’t like that. It was just thoughts. The strange thing is usually when I start thinking too long at night I think of things that stress me out.
It wasn’t like that. Sure I thought about school, money, my brother, and my dad, but I felt pretty calm. I didn’t get out of my bed, but it was like I was looking back at all these happy old memories. I didn’t get all sentimental and teary eyed like I thought I would, but rather relaxed.
I don’t know if this makes sense, but a few weeks ago those memories would really sting to think about. They were bittersweet. I’m glad I didn’t forget them though, because I can say with all honesty that I’ve forgotten bits of my parents divorce along with living with my father for some time only because I forced myself to block it out. I don’t know if that’s good or bad either. I’m sure if I thought long and hard about it I’d remember, but I’m happy not remembering, because I probably forced myself to block them out due to the pain it may have brought me.
At the same time, I think there will come a day where I will remember the memories I have locked up and I’ll be glad I have them. It’d be a shame to lose memories, because I believe they are all important in shaping who we are as people.