Hi guys! Happy New Year! Yes, yes, I realize I’m a bit late. Oh, Happy Christmas!
…I just said said Happy Christmas instead of Merry Christmas…. Don’t know where that came from. Probably some book I’m reading. Anyways!
I have my finals next week. I’ve lucky enough to have gotten two done, so I won’t be too dead next week. Actually, I only have to take… two finals. Awesome, right? One of them is going to kill me, but that’s okay. My other classes don’t really have finals.
Okay, so the real reason I’m blogging today is due to a weird realization I had yesterday.
Yesterday was my brother’s birthday. I didn’t realize it until about four in the afternoon. I wrote the date plenty of times, but it just didn’t hit me. Usually, I think about my brother’s birthday for a solid week, especially since I haven’t had much contact with him. It was so weird. I think I remembered it coming up on New Year’s Eve, but it slipped my mind after.
I guess, I was just caught up with school, but that’s no excuse. I did remember to text my brother, but part of me felt so guilty. How could I forget the birthday of my own brother? Heck, I’ve thought of getting it tattooed (but decided against it since my mother would die). I felt like such a horrible sister.
Then another thought came into mind. Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t worry about it. I still remembered, didn’t I? Maybe me not thinking about it showed that I was moving on.
That thought alone made me smile, but also scared me. It’s great if I’m moving on, but I don’t know if I want to. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to rekindle my relationship with my brother, but I do cling to a sliver of hope. I don’t want our relationship to consist of us texting “Happy Birthday” to each other. I know it’s something, but is it so bad to want more? He’s my big brother, for crying out loud.
Ugh, well that’s been on my mind all day. I guess that’s it. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, or if you have something similar going on.