Nightmares

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been told I have a hyperactive imagination.

I use to have a lot of nightmares when I was little, and even a few as I got older. I haven’t had a bad one for a while now.

Last night changed that.

I was watching Moana with some friends when I realized how bad my head was hurting. I quickly went back to my room and showered. I jumped right into bed after that, skipping the nightly routine of writing in my journal.

First, I could not fall asleep. Second, I kept waking up every time I did fall asleep. Third?

My roommate is trying out for the dance team, so she had to wake up early. She ended up waking me up because of how much I was panting and moving in my sleep. I woke up sweating.

I have not had a nightmare that got to me that much since I was in ninth grade. I don’t want to get into the nightmare because it involves some aspects of my life I would prefer to keep private.

My eyes are still tinged with red, even after I put in multiple eye drops.

Why do nightmares affect us so? I’m genuinely curious. Also, did something trigger a memory yesterday, or did my mind just recall this on its own? I wasn’t thinking of what was in my nightmare earlier on. I don’t really understand.

When’s the last time you all had a nightmare? Did you have a nice dream last night? What happened?

Yikes

Today I realized how long it has been since I last posted here….

My bad.

I don’t even have an excuse. I’ve been lacking in writing. I hardly even work on my stories, as sad as that makes me. Ideas are still flowing. I even started a new story, well the basics. Let’s not get into that.

Let’s do a quick catch up.

I’m now in my second semester of college. I’m officially taking an English class, and I want to be my English professor. She’s kind of awesome.

I have a new roommate, and we get on well. I have a new room and thank goodness for that. I have a bathroom in my room now, one of my favorite things.

Sorry, I just lost my train of thought. I just had some printer issues. My roommate and I share mine, and she needed to print something. Where was I? Right, catching up.

What else has happened? Oh, I feel like I don’t really have a home. Here me out. Where I lived before feels nice and relaxing, but I don’t honestly live there anymore (even though most of my stuff is there). I also still live in a dorm. I can’t wait until I live in my own apartment. I mean, a place I actually buy. That is when I will go all out on decorating.

Oh, as for my classes, I’m pretty sure my subconscious is dreadful of one. It’s a communications class. I’ve already screwed up on two assignments. Two stupid mistakes. Mistakes I have never made before. On the bright side, I got a pretty good on an exam I took last week for another class. That class is also kind of scary because my grade depends solely on exams.

As for books, I am behind on the books I want to read. What else is new? I’m also slowing myself down by rereading other series. I’m enjoying it, though. I’m also enjoying Game of Thrones. I’m only on season five, but I’ll catch up eventually.

I think that’s about it. How have all of you been?

Random Thoughts 10/28/16

Yeah, I don’t really know what I’m doing right now. I just wanted to blog.

It’s currently 10:40 a.m., and I am done with my classes for today! It’s also Friday.

I have a few big projects coming up, but I have time. I should be finding better ways to study for my biology class, though. Man, I hate that class. I just do not understand biology, and I never have.

Lately, besides homework, I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix. I just finished Galavant, and now I’m watching Revenge. I prefer to watch shows once they’re finished, but that doesn’t mean I don’t watch ongoing ones as well. I’m behind on Quantico, but I’m on track for American Horror Story.

Can I just say how disappointed I am that I never got into American Horror Story earlier? I’ve only watched season 6, but I really like it so far.

Oh, I’m also reading Dracula and An Ember in the Ashes. I wanted to wait on the second one since the series is still ongoing, but my RA gave me her copy to borrow. It’s a really good book. Dracula is good too, but my priority as of two days ago is An Ember in the Ashes, since it isn’t mine. I’m the kind of person that likes to return books as soon as possible.

Hm, what else has happened?

Oh, I only have one “midterm” left, but we have three for that class and they’re more like exams. Also, one of my friend’s boyfriend came to visit today.

Yeah, I’m running out of stuff to say, so I’m going to end it with this:

I really like living at my school, but I oddly enough miss Bay Area weather. It doesn’t get as hot here, which is nice, but I miss how cold it got. I also miss the rain, even though we don’t get that much up north either. I also really miss my mom’s cooking, my cousin, and my best friend. Life is going good, though.

Welp! Until next time!

First year college student

Hey guys! Sorry about not posting in awhile. I haven’t worked on any of my writing recently actually.

Before, it was packing, then came my trip to Texas, then came college packing, and finally… college.

If you guys don’t already know, I’m a first year student at San Diego State University.

SDSU was not my first choice, but I am happy with my pick. I’m paying about half of what I would have had to for my first choice.

I only just moved in Friday, and classes started this Monday. I actually just came back from class, so I can now say I’ve been to each of my classes at least once.

I am an English major, but most of the classes I am taking right now are GEs. All together I’m taking 16 units this semester. My classes are Rhetoric Written Argument (RWS-100), College Algebra (MATH-105),  Introduction to Language (LING-101), General Biology (BIOL-100), Study of Society (SOC-101), and General Biology Lab (BIOL-101L).

All my teachers seem okay so far. I really like some while I’m still not so sure about others, but that’s just life.

I placed my classes so I’m only taking two or three a day, and I have large gaps in between most of them. If that’s not your thing, it’s totally okay to pile all your classes in the morning.

As for actually moving in, it wasn’t that bad. It went by pretty smoothly for me, but that’s mostly because I was able to carry all my things up the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator.

My room is a triple, but I only have one roommate. So far, there haven’t been any issues, and she seems really nice. We aren’t the closest of friends, but it’s okay.

The night my mom dropped me off I was fine, but the next day I broke down. I didn’t think I would, but seeing her cry when she left got to me. Being alone in my room got to me. Since then I’ve tried to restrain from being alone in my room. I guess that’s why I’ve been lacking on writing my stories and why I’ve fallen behind on my youtube subscriptions.

I’m also lucky enough to have met a small group of friends I genuinely like. That’s not to say I don’t like everyone else, but it’s a group of people I can depend on and I feel comfortable around.

All in all, I’m pretty happy here. I’m getting much more sleep than I ever got in high school or over the summer. I feel like I’m actually being more responsible about homework (then again, it’s only the first week).

It’s difficult, no doubt, but I think it’s good. I’m growing up. I’m meeting new people. The most important thing to me, though, is that I’m out of my comfort zone.

Being out of my comfort zone is bone-chilling for me, but it’s something I need to work on.

“If you want something you’ve never had, then you’ve got to do something you’ve never done.” -Thomas Jefferson

Dad’s birthday

If you guys don’t know my parents are divorced. I am not very close with my father, but today is his legal birthday. Happy birthday, Dad!

By legal, I mean that he was technically born yesterday. The doctors in India messed up his birthday or something, I’m not sure. I know for the last few years I was with him we celebrated on the 15th.

As I stated earlier, my father and I don’t really have a good relationship. Nasty things were said. Things were not handled well. Things were blown out of proportion. Lots of things! Many things! Too many things!

There was a time when I hated it if people even asked me, “Hey, have you talked to your dad?” Now, I’m over it. I can say a straight answer with a smile on my face. One of my friends even asked me on graduation if he was coming.

I laughed! The thought of inviting him hadn’t even crossed my mind. It’s not like I hate him, but a part of me knows he would not have come.

The one thing that has not changed is the animosity between my parents. They don’t even talk to each other, but I have never liked having a conversation about one parent with one another. I would die from anxiety if there were in the same place, which has happened before. When that happened, I may or may not have broken down. It’s all the past now.

Recently, I haven’t really thought about my dad too much. I’m at the point where I don’t want to be angry with him or my step-family, because I don’t want to spend my life being angry. I know things won’t ever go back to how they once were, but I’m hoping that there will come a day where I can have an actual conversation with my dad. Even when I was still living with him, towards the end of it, I found it hard to really talk to him. I never knew what to say.

I think it’s kind of funny considering he was once my best friend.

Recently, unbeknownst to my mom, I’ve been looking through old court documents.

If you talk to anyone who was somehow connected to my parents’ divorce you will hear how nasty it was.

I look through the documents when my mom’s at work. I even time it out so I won’t be disturbed by the daily call she makes when she’s on her break.

I only told one person that I was going through the documents. That person warned me that I wouldn’t like what I found. I still wanted to know. Throughout the divorce, being a child, I wasn’t told anything. I wasn’t allowed to know. It made me so frustrated.

Now I had my chance to really learn what went on. I know not all of it would be true or have happened, but the curiosity in me won over, which isn’t a big surprise.

The documents are all in one box. There’s so much in there, and sometimes it just feels like I’m reading the same thing over and over again.

There have been times where I’ve had to stop reading and run upstairs back into my house. Why? I never truly understood how bad it was. I once threw a document back into the box and left in a hurry because of the lies on it. My parents are not perfect and never were. It was still strange to see lies entwined with truth in order to manipulate the court to work in their favor. It still made me feel sick, even the smallest of lies.

I once laughed seeing a document about a problem over my hair. My hair! That document was true though.

Through the documents I flash-backed and saw how naive and easily manipulated I was. I believed whatever my parents said, never questioning that one parent’s tale contradicted the other.

Nonetheless, I still love my parents. They are my parents and always will be. I’ll always be their daughter.

I’m sorry this post was all over the place, but I really just typed out whatever came. My mind is pretty scattered, I know.

Seriously though, my dad had his faults, as do all people. I genuinely hope he’s happy in his life, though, and I hope he has an amazing birthday.

Composure

Cruising along the calm river

I turn to see the clusters of spirits.

They flutter in the wind near the shores,

Resembling a bond

Of the biggest hearts on earth.

Surrounded by the yellow glowing sun,

The touch of the rays radiates heat.

The warmth encircles me in a tender hug,

Providing me with tranquility.

At this very minute,

We are struck with such serenity;

Nothing can bring us down.

All is right in the world.

Staring into the world affectionately,

Brilliance will come into every dull mind.

A mist of wonder puts us in a trance,

The being of light makes us dance.

We will feel oh so light.

Stricken with warmth,

The rest shall go down in grace.

Story time: Scream

Hello all! I was thinking about what to blog about, when I remembered a funny story from when I was a little tiny tot.

At the time, I was terrified by everything that happened, but it’s really funny when I look back on it. I still can’t watch a scary movie alone though. Even with other people, I need a giant pillow that I peek over and as I morph into a little ball.

So here’s the story of when I called the cops on my brother….

Two siblings, one who is around six and the other is around eleven, home alone watching Scream at night.

At the time, the younger sibling was getting really tired. She was only watching the movie, because she’d never have the chance to watch it when her parents were home.

Being so little, the tiny girl fell asleep, but not before hearing her brother say Scream would come get her if she fell asleep.

The girl was woken up by her elder brother dressed up as Scream right in front of her face. She looked at the clock to see them set at twelve, but in reality it was only about nine. Her brother had changed the clocks. For some reason, midnight was a scary time.

The child ran for the front door, but was met by another kid dressed in a costume similar to Scream, but this one had blood flowing down the mask. This boy happened to be her elder brother’s best friend and neighbor. After slamming the door shut she ran upstairs and hit in her parents closet.

Once she thought it was safe, she crawled underneath her parents’ bed only to then call the police; however, she hung up as soon as they answered, because she was scared that Scream would hear her.

When she heard her parents downstairs she sprinted down and sobbed into their legs. Meanwhile, her brother was laughing on the stairs, still in his costume, but the mask was off now.

Of course, the doorbell rang, and there stood two police officers. That only made the elder child laugh more.

The girl hid behind her parents, scared of the police officers, thinking they’d be mad for wasting their time. She wouldn’t even take the sticker they gave her.

Let’s just say the older sibling got into a lot of trouble.